So over my must have morning coffee while considering what I would be writing about today I began to think about the cultural perception that in your twenties you are young and free. There is an unspoken belief that it is okay to make mistakes, try new things, fall down and figure out who you are as a person . But what happens when you turn the big 30 and your career is not what you wanted, your living situation is not what you planned, your not married, your a single parent, or you have no idea who God created you to be? What if you are shaky in your faith, confused about what’s next or lost when it comes to how you are supposed to behave as a 30 year old because according to everyone else you should be married, have kids, your career should be in a good place and your life should be figured out right? Worse off all what happens when you are actually in your thirties and you still have the same issue?
Well my dears most of us have an reaction to turning thirty . There is usually some form of realization that at thirty you are an “official” grown up, and often if we have set plans or goals we begin to look at those dream boards and lists and if we see that things are not what we expected it can become something that deflates us.
So as I take a trip down memory lane now that I am in my thirties and looking back to the year I turned thirty there was nothing that really stood out to me I didn’t feel different. I was not depressed. I did not feel like there was anything off about where I was in life . But somewhere in the midst of actually being thirty, I began to evaluate my life and where I was at. I went on this entire journey of looking at where I was not instead of what God was preparing me and grooming me for. I have never been a person who felt like I had to be married by a certain age, but I did then and I do now desire marriage. So at a certain point I began to look at the fact that I was not married and that made me doubt if I ever would be, that led me to in that moment to become content with the possibility that I may never marry. Career wise I was in a very comfortable position making a really nice salary but the thoughts began to creep in of am I content with this? Do I really want to be doing this? I started to think is there more to life then this? Then that eyebrow raising who am I question surfaced and that led to me asking Who is it that God purposed me to be? So all of those questions led me to realize that I was not questioning my life in general but God’s timing in my life.
So here I was in my thirties with all these questions all these changes my desires, dreams, lifestyle, and behavior was changing and without my permission. I had to get to know the new me. Through all of this I began to seek God more and have deep conversations with Him not even knowing that those conversations would turn into blog spots. In those moments of conversation God began to tell me not to focus on mistakes I made in the past or on what I did not have yet but to trust that He would give me all the desires of my heart in His timing and to trust his timing. So I began to walk a new walk and focus on the things that were in my control such as my career and leaving things that I could not control to HIM. I began to understand through talks with God and divine conversations with others that it was OK to not know what was next but to trust that God was preparing my future and that I just needed to prepare myself for the things he was calling me into. I became more involved in my church and before I knew it I began taking classes to develop spiritually, reading more, going out and enjoying life with my son, family and friends and realizing that I could prepare myself for marriage by becoming whole and healed. That through preparation, focus, and relationship with the Father that He began to show me who he created me to be. That while I was questioning my career and trying to figure out if it was the right choice for me that all I needed to do was be fully submitted to Him and after that submission he would reveal and awaken God given Ideas for business with instructions attached.
I think that sometimes we as humans become discontent in situations outside of our control instead of focusing on what we already have. This can lead to rushing a processes . So I always try to remeber that there is no way that I can complete a process, assignment, job, or business idea better than God. I had to learn to walk behind Him so that he could go before me to clear the way. To trust closed doors because He closed them for a reason I may not know or understand. To pray over open doors to make sure they were in His will and to walk with Him when it was time to move instead of ahead of Him because of my impatience.
It is so easy to forget about the promises that God has given us when waiting on them to manifest. So this became another lesson. I had to condition myself to speak those promises back over my life and to steward them until manifestation happened. I know this is not always easy and requires so much discipline but if it is mastered it can make waiting easier. Lastly, I began to give thanks for what was not in front of me yet and this allowed me to strengthen my faith in what would be instead of what was not there yet. I hope these snippets of my journey helps you in yours . Leave the heavy lifting to God and rock your thirties!
Click link below to check out an amazing prayer that I use to help me in times that I am waiting on God to move.